If you want to be a good person for your friends, you must first learn to be a good person to yourself. No matter what you think you can do through force of will, you can’t bring your best if you don’t put yourself in a position to be the healthiest version of you. It’s simple: healthy person impart healthy feelings, unhealthy person impart unhealthy feelings. It is quiet simple - if you cannot manager your thoughts effectively then how do you think you can manage all your relationships - spouse, friends, project teams etc. In short if you are not able to manage your thoughts then you become your worst enemy. We're our own worst enemy. You doubt yourself more than anybody else ever will. If you can get past that, you can be successful. This is one of Michael Strahan - An America Athlete's best quote. An it's your negative thoughts that hold you back, nothing else. In all the negative thoughts that can come to us, I have found that the below 3 are the most common thoughts that comes to you which prevents from from being effective. If you can find a way out to keep these thoughts out of your mind - then you will surely become a great person and find greater satisfaction in leading your life.
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Everyone would have heard about the Bermuda triangle, a place where ships and aeroplanes disappears without a trace. Most popular culture attributes this to various paranormal activities but those documents and data are not scientifically reliable. There is a similar workplace equivalent, a triangle where team work, good will and productivity vanishes without explanation. How many work hours on average do you and your team spends in this drama triangle? So what is that triangle? A triangle was developed as a social model years ago by Stephen Karpman, a student of Dr. Eric Berne, the father of Transactional Analysis. It maps out a type of dysfunctional interaction that is common in the workplace and in our homes as well. The word “dysfunctional” is not that bad one – it only means “not working well”. Many expert leaders notice when their relationship is working and when it is not going well … as a result, they learn to stay out of the drama triangle. Dr. Stephen Karpman first described the drama triangle in the 1960’s. All three of the roles--Victim, Rescuer, and Persecutor—are very fluid and can morph easily into one another. We all have a favourite (usually the role we assumed most often in childhood), but most of us are pretty good at all three of them, depending on the situation. Dr. Karpman used this triangle to define three points that arise predictably in any dysfunctional real-life drama: the Persecutor, the Victim, and the Rescuer. Notice that all three of these are roles we can choose to play, or choose to step back from, at any time. Examples of the drama triangle
So for instance, let’s assume that one of your team members promised you an update about an important project by Tuesday afternoon. It’s Wednesday morning. You don’t have the report yet. Here are three ways you could choose to respond:
My personal favourite is the Rescuer, although I also did a very credible Victim from time to time. While being a rescuer I always felt virtuous, strong, and necessary when other people asked for help. Being a rescuer always means that you take care of others that you do not find time for your needs. This is when you slip into the Victim’s role. I’d feel sorry for myself, since no one seemed to appreciate how hard I was working to take care of them. Which made me feel angry and resentful, and before I knew it I’d find myself picking a fight with my wife or fuming at some unwitting team member. (Yep, there’s the Persecutor.) Back in 2009 when I took the first role as a project manager the then Delivery Manager who was the one who mentored me did not waste any time with me. He directly introduced me to the world of executive management. During the first internal status review meeting (I clearly remember that meeting) before I could even take my pen to write the minutes, he looked straight at me and said “My young boy, there are two kinds of people in the business world, doers and pretenders. Decide now itself which you want to be?” He was a very peculiar person, he was averse to too much talking, prolonged debates and discussions about big decisions. He never liked to fool around or let him be fooled. His strength was his decision making that too big corporate decisions. He would hardly take 10 minutes to decide on a Million dollar project. [I am not making this up – he has always made big decisions under 20 minutes] Event today when I think of the decision it may look that he was impulsive, used lot of gutsy temperament or sometime even reckless or even plain lunacy but trust me it was not. It was pure science at work all the way. He simply had the greatest leadership skill which was “a bias towards action” Yes you can put it in another way as he was “a verb”. Inertia was his greatest enemy. He knew that standing confused with a decision was a sure losing strategy, and did not want to be passed up by the competition. So he was always on the edge looking for action. In cricket parlance I would say the 2007 ICC T20 world cup saw MS. Dhoni take one such big decision within quick time and with a lot of conviction. How did my manager, MS Dhoni and many other great leaders develop this uncanny ability of making the right decisions so quickly? |
AuthorVasudevan is a Leadership Mentor and an Executive coach. I run an online website geared towards helping creative entrepreneurs and future managers to build their dreams. Archives
June 2023
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