காலத்தி னாற்செய்த நன்றி சிறிதெனினும் Translated: A timely favour, however trivial its material value is, is invaluable. [
We have all lost sight of privileges which are surrounded in so many of our lives. The art of waking up with a smile, being able to eat a full break-fast are privileges. Able to complain about the traffic in our morning drive is a privilege. Being able to communicate with your spouse and see them smile is a privilege. Having kids come around your legs at the end of a tough day is also a privilege. Perhaps the biggest victim of all these privileges is the fact that we are not able to appreciate these. It is because many of us have taken all these as granted and never even think about it. It is only when we start missing these do we look at it in a different way. The human brain in the current timeline is wrong in the first place for taking it as granted. If we have never been without something then the ability to appreciate it would be excruciatingly hard. We would be able to identify the privilege only the moment we lose it. As long as don’t lose it, you do not see it as an opportunity to appreciate the other person. Everyone one of us has all the required perspectives of the privileges that we have in our lives and yet it seems the act of appreciation is a very difficult one. One of the major reasons (at least for me it is the major one) when an act requires appreciations most of the time we tend to take it as granted and think it is what was expected to be done in that situation. Hence appreciation doesn’t come voluntarily. Another reason would be that we’re unable to truly appreciate all the privileges that we have in our lives, it seems like we do not know what we have. Sometimes like looks like we do not even realise that we have something. We have made it as our birthright since it was always like that since we learnt to observe. We should all be lucky enough to realize that so many of the things we have grown accustomed to in our lives are indeed a privilege. And these things are not just any privilege; they are privilege of the highest power. Some of them have difficulties in expressing appreciations and just remain as a mute spectator leaving the contributor with a mixed feeling of perplexes and under-appreciated. Want to know the reasons? I too am a very grave defaulter in this behaviour. I tried to look at myself and came up with few possible causes. Being a major defaulter in the appreciation column, I started to observe myself for the past 3 months to find out why am I not able to appreciate others always.
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Everyone at some point in time would have been asked to do something and you would have felt like not doing it. When you tried to say No something inside of you hampered your thought process and prevented you from saying NO – also triggered a guilt story around the no and you finally said YES to it without full conviction.
Everyone has had at least a dozen such instances that you may recollect if given 30 seconds. So let us look at the choices you have – if you say “Yes” even though you don’t want to you become frustrated, you will feel angry and resentful. If you were to say “No” then something inside of you creates the guilt feeling and gets fear inside of you that you may not look good in the eyes of others. So most of the time we are driven to say “YES” when our hearts and minds want to say “NO”. And research shows this not only creates a cycle of awful feelings, it actually does real damage to your relationships. Yes, being “too nice” can cause legit problems. Another possible reason for saying yes when you want to say no is to avoid conflict situations. Conflict avoidance is not a very good ingredient for a successful relationship. Rather, it is a serious symptom of dysfunctional ones. It is always found better to recognise negative emotions between people are unavoidable and one must learn to deal with them effectively. If you are not able to express your true feelings in a relationship, then the relationship loses its authenticity and in time will lead to a sour breakdown. So how do you say no without feeling guilty? Experts and research have answers. Let’s get to it… In this ever increasing world of complexity, SIMPLICITY is the sought out skill that will differentiate between success and failure. This was the view of Edward DeBono and I would like to take this opportunity to take you all on a brief tour of what does simplicity means in this 30 minutes video. I also plan to have a full version of this topic later in this month, Wish you all view the video and let me know the comments and improvements possible. I have tried to keep in short - although it is a very big topic. It's my experiment to keep in simple. Let me know your comments in a simple way, Just leave a "+" sign if you like it or a "-" sign if you feel it needs to be improved. Cannot make feedback any simpler. |
AuthorVasudevan is a Leadership Mentor and an Executive coach. I run an online website geared towards helping creative entrepreneurs and future managers to build their dreams. Archives
June 2023
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