It's really tough to hear feedback and many a times we are forced to receive feedback even when it is not required at all. Well this is a problem which all of us face but there are some short sighted people who plug their ears when they hear something which they do not want to listen. They are mostly inclined to only receive praises and compliments while reject any message which tells them that they are not perfect. What my first boss told me during a coffee break about appraisals and feedback is truly worth in gold. He said the following 2 sentences (not in the same order) - When someone rejects you or your idea, don't introspect on you. Look and understand the person who rejected you. - Feedback that you do not like are the most useful tips for you in life. Having said this, it is very important for some one to know how to give a feedback. Even though the content is good if the communication tool is bad, you end up spoiling the content and the experience. This makes every manager to practice effective ways of giving feedback. I received a valuable feedback from one of my recent boss. I had requested him to come and attend one of my training session for getting his feedback and here is how he laid it to me. After the session was over he picked up a coffee and came to me and said - "When you think, you look down. I lose eye contact with you.." Whenever you are giving feedback you need to take responsibility in the way you deliver the feedback. You should only narrate what you see and not what you judged. He use to say "Tell what you see, don't judge". So if I breakdown his feedback it would look like this: - He told what he saw: "You look down" - He didn't judge. He could have said - "You shouldn't look down when you think" - He explains the impact - "I lost eye contact with you" My initial reaction was to say - "No I don't do that often". It just shows that I am not yet open to receive the feedback. So what do we do? Here are ways to help us receive feedback which we do not like to hear.
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My first boss always use to quote "Quick answers are neither correct nor fruitful" It is a smart advice but unfortunately all the manager groups (including me) learn it the hard way. When you think about the first reaction that comes to you when you need to solve a short term issue. The answer is either increase the budget or get more resources. If you already have the resources, you outsource saying that you need some one more specialised and trained person. If you do not have the resources, you simply complain to the higher management and wish you had. So for short term issue resolution, money (budget) and people (resources) are usually not the solution.
Most of us begin our journey with an idea of what it is that we want to do. We have certain images of what this journey will look like. We would have mapped the path. We would have done our due diligent researches. We are energized because of how our “heroes” have done what they want to do. We are set. This excitement serves as the adrenaline to our bodies. They are charging full-steam ahead. Our mind is set. The bow is pulled back and we are ready to release our idea to the world. This was me a few months back. All I saw was a straight line to my bulls-eye target … my success as a corporate leader. And then one setback after another came my way. Determination was my fuel My determination kept me going. The adrenaline rush carried me through those times. But said in many Indian folklore it is true, if there is no replenishment, that rush wanes over time. It happened to me also. Discouragement, apathy, feelings of depression, doubts and other emotions crept in sometimes all at once. I had my own self doubts - Could I pull myself out of these feelings? Was this all a fantasy dream that I needed to give up? The line was no longer straight. There were twists and turns (at their own will), starts and stops, ups and downs. This is the pattern that now governs my life even today. When I asked a group of my friends whether they struggle with fear? Everyone (100%) instantly said a resounding yes. Then I went ahead and asked "Do you get negative thoughts once in a while?" This time it was a more resounding yes, I wanted to make sure that they are not making me a laughing stock so asked them again "Are you sure you are answering yes to my question". My eyes were more wide this time and all of them shock their heads in agreement - I just had my Ha Ha moment, [Cha!!! what a silly question was my mind voice] It just dawned on me that negative thoughts does not come from you but comes from our consciousness. They pop in at random intervals of time and for some more frequently. They are like the uninvited guests who pop in at the most unwanted time in your house and only speak of how you are mismanaging your life, house and everything connected with it. You have a deal, like any uninvited or unwanted guest you can choose to ignore them. The power for a thought comes from the power you decide to give. If you choose not to give any power to the negative thoughts, then you basically ignore them. You can see through them and find out what it is really: Lies, Lies and nothing but Lies. We are in the world of internet where insult has become the easiest choice of weapon. Internet trolls are the best example for my point. Competitors use them to get us off our game. Everyone at some point of time uses insults especially when they feel insecure or threatened. Negative feedback is required but insults are not designed for help, it is designed to hurt the other person. There are many effective ways to handle insults and one of the best which comes to my mind comes from an unlikely source: Co-founder of Apple Computers, Steve Jobs. In 1977, Jobs had just returned back to Apple where he was ousted a decade ago. He was answering questions for developers at Apple's World Wide Developers Conference when one audience member took a shot at him: "Mr. Jobs, you're a bright and influential man," he begins. "Here it comes," responds Jobs, as both he and the audience giggle. Then, the famous insult: "It's sad and clear that on several counts you've discussed, you don't know what you're talking about. I would like, for example, for you to express in clear terms how, say, Java and any of its incarnations addresses the ideas embodied in OpenDoc. And when you're finished with that, perhaps you can tell us what you personally have been doing for the last seven years." Ouch. For most of us, such a public attack as this one would have left us a lot flustered. But Jobs's response is a perfect demonstration of what to do in those situations. Here are some highlights of lessons which I learnt . |
AuthorVasudevan is a Leadership Mentor and an Executive coach. I run an online website geared towards helping creative entrepreneurs and future managers to build their dreams. Archives
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